The Foundation of Forever: Simple Strategies for Enduring Connection
This is a paid post because it moves from insight into practice.
Inside, I go deeper with concrete examples, scripts, tools, and step-by-step strategies you can use to navigate dating and relationships more effectively.
Healthy relationships shouldn’t be hard, but they do take (a little) work.
That’s OK. The work makes it worth it. After all, when something is important to you, you take care of it. Your relationship shouldn’t be any different.
“So, it’s not gonna be easy. It’s gonna be really hard. We’re gonna have to work at this every day…” ~ Nicholas Sparks (The Notebook)
Smart move, because boredom is a relationship killer (Tsapelas et al., 2009). Research shows that those who reported more marital boredom reported less marital satisfaction 9 years later. When you don’t put in the work, the spark fades, and it becomes easy to feel adrift in love.
The thing is, “relationship work” is a terrible name. Calling it “work” makes it sound a lot more painful than it really is. It doesn’t have to be that hard.
Here’s a perfect example of relationship “work”: Marc Randolph, Co-Founder of Netflix, explained on . As he said on the Tim Ferriss podcast, “I was not going to be one of those entrepreneurs who was on his sixth startup and his sixth wife.” So to avoid that, this is the work he put in, “… every Tuesday without fail, 5 p.m., I left the office and my wife and I did a date night.”
We need more of this energy in relationships. Maintaining your relationship and keeping it going strong doesn’t have to be some onerous task. Why is it that, when it comes to relationships, we tend to overcomplicate things?
Instead, what happens if we asked, “What would building a healthy relationship look like if it were easy?”
Ready to strengthen your relationship? Here’s your complete toolkit:
The ‘do more’ essentials: N.I.C.E. date activities proven to boost relationships, the 7 skills that predict success (most don’t require your partner’s help), and sexual variety tactics that increase desire
How to ‘demand less’ without settling: ditching soulmate mythology, managing expectations realistically, and stopping the ‘problemicity’ trap that manufactures drama
Three gratitude and appreciation techniques that require zero time but deliver massive results, including the counterintuitive power of positive illusions
The personality-based guide to picking your best strategy: are you action-oriented, overly critical, or just need perspective? I’ll tell you where to start
3 Simple Ways to Improve Any Relationship
I think it comes down to three basic strategies: