The Connection Code: 15 Keys to Unlocking a Love That Lasts
Simple lessons about love that EVERYONE needs to hear
This is a paid post because it moves from insight into practice.
Inside, I go deeper with concrete examples, scripts, tools, and step-by-step strategies you can use to navigate dating and relationships more effectively.
Over twenty years as a relationship scientist and professor, and now over three years as a dating/relationship coach have given me lots of insights to share.
As I shared in my very first Psychology of Relationships post, I’ve ALWAYS wondered “Why don’t we teach the psychology of relationships in high school?”
That bothered me more when I saw my daughter beginning to navigate the minefield of teenage love. To help, I did what any nerdy academic dad would do, I put together a list of simple yet powerful relationship lessons that I thought EVERY teenager needs to hear, but especially MY teenager.
I never planned on sharing it. However, when my wife read them, they made her cry and she said, “You have to publish these somewhere!” In 20+ years of marriage, I’ve learned to listen to my wife about these sorts of things, so I shared them.
In my career, I’ve had articles go viral and get over a million views. But nothing I've written generated as much positive feedback as that piece (e.g., people reaching out to say they were sharing it with their own teenager).
The thing was, though I wrote those bit of advice for my daughter, the lessons were universal. The insights and tips applied to every relationship at any age.
In this expanded and updated version, I walk through:
All 15 keys to lasting love…the counterintuitive relationship truths that defy conventional wisdom and actually work (these are what my students say changed how they think about relationships)
Why being the right person comes before finding the right person, along with what attracts healthy partners instead of toxic ones
The ‘downward spiral of disinterest’ that kills more great relationships than rejection ever could, plus how to break the cycle by showing interest first
How your dating patterns create relationship patterns: why ‘starter partners’ and ‘just for now’ situations trap you through inertia, and what to prioritize instead
15 Keys to Unlocking a Love That Lasts
When I teach my Intimate Relationships course at my university, during the last class we discuss the most important themes from the semester. The ones that stand out always defy conventional wisdom or how most people think about relationships.
But that's the point.